Empty Dating dilemma: Part 1

 

It's been a while. I haven't posted anything in sometime.  In all transparency, sometimes I am not sure where to go with my ideas. I'm a chronic overthinker. My mind is always racing and moving.  I often have so much to say and no where constructive to offload it. The ideas that I have, the things I have to say are unique. However, there are many ideas that someone out there that will connect with and use my transparent reflections as a comfort in their own time of need. Navigating empty nester life, dating and balancing my own plethora of feelings that flood me from time to time can be difficult. If I happen to touch one person, one mind, one heart, I'd be satisfied. 

Source: Facebook/ Ilovethebible

Now, storytime! 

In this particular post I just want to chronicle some of my dating experiences as an emptynester. You would think because I'm young, my son is over the age of 18,  some men would find that appealing. You would think they would want someone that has so much going for them, so much to offer. I've found that there are plenty of men out there that just want to have a significant sexual encounter but nothing more. I've learned that men are very visual creatures but sex oftentimes does not hold all their attention. Dating in your 30s is very difficult, no one seems to be in it  for the substance. We live in a world of instant relationships , quick hookups , situationships , ghosting, I love you but I don't wanna be with you, you’re cute but I got things I need to work on and last but not least,  what else do you have to offer besides sex ? Oh and  I forgot,  I'm married but she cheated on me but I'll stay with her and then try to have sex with you.

Let's start with this juicy thriller. 

My first encounter was with an older gentleman, he was in his late 40s. We met on a warm spring  night, I was out at a local spot, solo dolo. We ended up talking, exchanging numbers and there was an attraction. For some reason, during our interactions, he kept mentioning his sexual attraction to me. Within the first 2 weeks of us engaging in a conversation, somehow, he would be sure to mention as much as possible he wanted to be intimate with me. Granted, I am attractive but come on, let it happen naturally. Normally, I would just say," I'm good, I do not want to continue to get to know you", but I continued to entertain this gentleman. Which was part innocence, part loneliness, part not listening to my intuition. Our conversations continued. 

We talked and texted each other almost everyday. The conversations were pretty good, then the incessant push for sex got annoying. I eventually put my big woman draws on and  I asked "Why are you so interested in having sex with me? Don't you want to get to know me?" I have so much to offer. His response was, "What else do you have to offer besides sex? In my shocked and appalled state, I said," I have so much more to offer than just sex." This soured my perception of him and tainted my dating experience.  In my head I knew at that point he didn't want anything more than just sex; which was unfortunate. I did ask in the beginning what was his intentions. The lesson that I did learn was that people do not always make their intentions clear. True intentions do make their way out in conversations and are eye opening. 

 Whew, that was stressful. Now on to another story. 

I met a younger man, in his early 30's, We met through Facebook dating. I will never do that again! We talked, texted, and  he would FaceTime me. We would have conversations and within our one of our conversations I explained to him I have a son and that my son is 18. So, we kept talking about age and he asked how old I was when I had my son. I explained the story, that I got pregnant when I was 14. This man fixed his mouth to tell me," Oh you like it raw. I know how to deal with you." That was a red flag, but again, not paying attention to my common sense I continued to indulge this man. I  did however, address the comment, I said, "Excuse me!!!? Why would you say something like that?"  He responded.  He said, "Oh!, since you had your son young, you know, I thought that's just what you liked." He seemed confused as to why I would even think to ask him such a question or even seem offended by them sexual assumption.  The audacity of his foolishness  continued. He was arrogant and blinded by his own airy ideas of what women liked or even how to address a respectable woman. This along with a few other incidents completely turned me off. I eventually I stopped talking to him. The lesson I learned from this atrocity, was I need to be upfront and speak my mind. Be honest, if it's not serving me nor helping me to grow, let it go. People show you their true colors and they aren't as good at hiding it as they think they are. 

Come back for part 2 of this saga!