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Reality. Vision 2020

Happy New Year!


         Although the greeting is a little overdue. I am happy to be back and doing what I set out to do. Every New Year we envision change and growth. we anticipate the highs and lows that this new year and decade will embody for us. we stay hopeful that things will change.  I have been neglecting my blog.... sadly.... because life has gotten in the way. Reality has set in.  It began setting in, in December. 

        When I refer to "reality", I mean the fact that I have a new start and I have the opportunity to make so many changes, without having to worry about my son as much as before. He was home for Christmas and it was bittersweet. He had to split his time between his family, friends and girlfriend. That takes time getting used to. I was not ready for the growth that he experienced while away at Army basic training. He was not as talkative as he was before he left. That was strange for me. Sure, he was a quiet kid. 

           His silence was to the point where it felt awkward in some moments. I dealt with my struggle internally. Sensitivity is a part of who I am on top of that I am a chronic over thinker. The silence felt as though I had lost a small portion of our relationship. Things had changed. He had outgrown me. Which I expected, but not like this. It hurt, I was emotional about it. I think I took it way more personal than I should have but it happened and I had to work through it. 
    
        I had to ask him a few times if he was ok. I was used to a different young man, I had to come to terms with the fact he was changing. He was becoming a man. I know for me, getting used to the idea that he was not longer a child took some time to get used to. I had to slowly back away from "mommying" to " parental guide" when he became a high school senior. I appreciated that he wanted to hang with me. I cherished all out time together and I forever will. 

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